An Open Letter to Pig Man
Dedicated to one WOBC superfan
Dear Pig Man,
You were (I think — you didn’t tell us your name that time) the first caller my friend Marcus Kaufmann and I got on Sexy Boys Official Radio Hour last semester. It was our first radio show ever, and on top of being bundles of nerves, we were coming onto the scene at the very end of a long school week. Not to mention we were sleep-deprived at two in the morning on a Saturday. When Mark picked up the phone, the first thing you said was that we were “suckin’.”
At first, we were taken aback, offended. But then you said that was just how it should be, and that we were doing a great job with our first show. You recommended Mark — the resident “metal guy” — a death metal band neither of us had heard of. “They suck,” you said, “I love ‘em.”
When we left the studio that night — even with all the technical difficulties and general mishaps we had during that first episode — we were absolutely delighted. We already had a fan! Who wasn’t one of our friends! Who wasn’t even an Oberlin student!
We didn’t get another call from you for a while, though, until our last handful of shows. Then you called us one night (morning?) in late November. We recognized your voice. This time, you introduced yourself simply as Pig Man. “‘Big Man?’” I’d asked, confused. “No,” you replied, “Pig Man.” Mark and I looked at each other in amusement. It was an awesome name.
You asked us if either of us “identified with transgenderism.” Mark lied that we didn’t know what that meant. You then told us your son was “dating a trans.” We looked at each other again, this time with worry.
But then you surprised us. You said you wanted to understand better, that you were sixty-seven and this was all new territory for you. It was heartwarming that you came to us for advice. I was having a hard time understanding what you were saying, so Mark took the phone and talked with you more about metal. Then, you told us we were your favorite WOBC show and hoped to hear us next semester. We were touched. We walked home that night wistfully reflecting on all the fun we had on the radio.
Pig Man, Mark’s taking this semester off, and I don’t really play metal on my new Tuesday 6PM show. But I hope you’ll tune in and give me a call again. Thanks for being our biggest fan.
–Sloane DiBari