Here’s Why We Think Chappell Roan Is Still Coming to Solarity
A few words from some of Blog’s most steadfast Chappell Roan Truthers.
Edited by Sloane DiBari, with contributions from Benjamin Rosielle, Zoe Stern, Charley Burns, Rhys Hals, Edie Carey, Ebun Lawore, and Lily Nobel
Since the beginning of the school year, debates have raged on about whether Her Majesty Midwest Princess Chappell Roan would play Solarity at the end of either semester. This spring’s “Bedazzled” theme, coupled with SFC budget sheet snooping, has kicked the debate into overdrive. While there’s plenty of hype around Monét X Change and Frost Children, hopes for the incumbent queen of lesbian pop to make an appearance haven’t yet dwindled. Skeptics might question how our tiny college in middle-of-nowhere Ohio score Chappell Roan as a headliner, much less an opener. As for us? We would never underestimate the power of the small Midwestern liberal arts school.
At WOBC Blog, we take our journalistic duty seriously, so we’ve decided to investigate to prove our own theory: Chappell Roan is coming to Solarity. With characteristic rhetorical swagger and prime insight, Blog’s Chappell Roan Truthers are taking Chappell Roan Skeptics to task. Read on for irrefutable takes from Blog’s beautiful minds.
BENJAMIN ROSIELLE: Here’s my evidence for why Chappell Roan is coming to Solarity.
Professor of Jewish Studies Matthew Berkman has an audio file on his desktop named “Chappell Roan HOT TO GO official Music Video,” and I have a hunch that if anyone on this campus knows the truth about Chappell Roan coming to Solarity, it would be him. There is no way that he coincidentally has this file on his desktop, right there for everyone to see every day of class, when the rumors of Chappell Roan’s appearance at Solarity are circling like so… In my heart of hearts I know that he’s trying to leave a trail of clues for us. Matt, if you’re reading this, I need you to wink at me in class on Friday so I can be assured that you know Chappell Roan is really coming to Solarity.
One time I saw a plane flying over Oberlin, and as I peered up towards it with my trusty binoculars I saw Chappell Roan encased in a giant block of ice. They have trapped Chappell Roan in a giant block of ice and are holding her in the Heisman Field House and they’re going to wheel her out to the front of the stage and hammer away at the ice until she’s free and then her and Monet X Change and Frost Children are all going to start singing “HOT TO GO!” and it’s going to be the best thing that’s happened to this school since they started serving spring rolls at Umami. I foresaw this in a vision I had a few weeks ago and my clairvoyance has yet to fail me and I don’t see why this time would be an exception. I’m going to pull up to Solarity in a bedazzled Chappell Roan Truther t-shirt and I’m going to be right and all my doubters are going to be wrong.
ZOE STERN: You don’t have to look hard to see the obvious signs that Chappell Roan is coming to Solarity. The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess is packed with clues. One of the most glaring hints that feels redundant to even mention is the hit song “Femininomenon,” an overt reference to Oberlin’s iconic feminist writer Alison Bechdel. Then, of course, there’s “HOT TO GO!,” which, if you rearrange the letters, spells out “OH!O.” Ever since I got into a car accident while driving a bunch of theater kids to a diner and blasting Chappell Roan, Chappell and I have had a psychic connection that allows me to read the subliminal messages in her songs. The underlying memo shared amongst all of them is clear. Why would a “Midwest Princess” fail to deliver to the Midwest’s most beloved city, Oberlin, Ohio?
CHARLEY BURNS: Personally, I’m a Chappell Roan Solarity truther. The Oberlin Student Finance Committee’s public Spring 2025 Budget Allocation states that Ms. Chappell Roan is the spring Solarity headliner. Did they misspell her name? Yes! Do I still believe that this may be an elaborate fake-out staged by our fellow students?!? Yes!! We go to a gay Midwestern school, whose biannual music festival theme is “Bedazzled.” It makes all the sense in the world! It made so much sense that on Saturday, March 15th, 2025, in the midst of a night out, fellow WOBC Blog writer Ebun Lawore and I emailed Chappell’s publicist, Dana. I feel the need to clarify that this is completely true. We emailed Chappell Roan’s publicist, who has not emailed us back as of today (May 1st). It was a very professional email simply asking for an interview for blog when Chappell headlined Solarity. This lack of response leads me to believe that this is a full-on con setup by the SFC and Dana (we couldn’t find her last name)! So be ready to see Chappell.
RHYS HALS: I am a Chappell Roan Truther because I think that the Oberlin Administration is very aware of the wrongdoings they have committed against the Oberlin student body, namely removing Azzie’s seating, and they feel bad. I know that if eduroam wifi crashes out at a moment when I want to listen to “Pink Pony Club” and I can’t get it to load to stream it, I can make my way to Azariah’s Cafe located on the first floor of Mudd Center. If I sit there for long enough I WILL hear at least one Chappell Roan song – if not “Pink Pony Club,” then “HOT TO GO!,” satiating me for long enough until I can get ObieGuest to work. With the removal of such a communal space, Chappies everywhere will be at a loss. So in a secret trade war agreement with the SFC staff, The Board of Trustees agreed to grant SFC a few extra thousand for Solarity to secure Chappell Roan. “With their track record, would the Board of Trustees really do that for the students?” you ask. The answer is no, they would not. It’s not for the students. Many times, I have heard “The Giver” blasting from Cox, and the last time the Board was in town, I saw Ms. Carmen Twillie Ambar leaving the hotel. Looking particularly gleeful, and humming “Femininomenon” quietly to herself, a long green glove fell out of her pocket. Now I would hate to accuse anyone of such high honor of bribery or seduction, but did I also see Ed Helms later that day, limping to Slow Train? That’s a secret I’ll never tell.
EDIE CAREY: On March 26th, in the midst of a hungover walk through Central Park, I collapsed for reasons still unknown to medical professionals. In the haze of it all I had a brief yet vivid vision in which I was alone in a dark and damp room when Chappell Roan herself suddenly appeared in a pool of light and began speaking to me in tongues. Later at the hospital, the doctors discovered that during this syncopal episode, my heart rate reached 140, the BPM of Ms. Roan’s hit song “HOT TO GO!” Since then, I have dedicated my life to figuring out what exactly happened and why. I believe the answer lies in Solarity on May 9th.
EBUN LAWORE: All I’m gonna say is that they announced the Solarity headliner on April Fools Day, and no one makes serious announcements on April Fools Day.
SPECIAL GUEST LILY NOBEL OF THE OBERLIN REVIEW: It’s called Solarity Bedazzled, and Chappell Roan’s Spotify bio literally says “bedazzling a cowboy hat”...MAKES YOU THINK.
ANONYMOUS BLOG MEMBER: I think that Chappell Roan is a lesbian.