Most Annoying Music Journalism Moments
WE HAVE TO STOP MUSIC JOURNALISM.
By Sloane DiBari
Music journalism is my favorite thing in the entire world. But it’s also really, really annoying. There’s a certain kind of pretension in the genre that I wouldn’t call unmatched — film criticism is full of far worse offenders — but it is undeniably specific to the medium. Pitchfork has become a figurehead for this pretension, as has Anthony Fantano, whose very name nauseates me. What a pompous ass.
Since I read Paste’s pretty good but occasionally quite cringe cover story on Car Seat Headrest in anticipation of their upcoming album, I’ve been thinking about the many instances of cringe I’ve encountered in my years-long music journalism obsession. For our purposes, I’ll only include written pieces — if I included YouTube videos or podcasts, there would be countless Fantano moments on this list, which would require me to listen to his voice and have his slop in my watch history, which I really don’t want to do. Here are a collection of music journalism moments I find annoying, and why I think they suck.
“Enrolling in Car Seat Headrest University”
Matt Mitchell, Paste
April 23, 2025
The offending line: “These songs are dreams, chapters, folk tales, and explosions, as Car Seat Headrest embody Chaucer, Kerouac, Queen, and David Lynch all at once.”
Why I hate it: Wow. I have never wanted to listen to anything less in my entire life. I’m speechless. This is such complete gay-undergrad-in-the-humanities bait. Except for Queen, which is bait for your dad, who is also possibly dealing with his latent homosexuality.
“Boygenius’ Big, Emotional, Gay-as-Hell Night Out at Madison Square Garden”
Jill Mapes, Pitchfork
October 3, 2023
The offending line: “It’s tits out, messy polycule vibes, where group therapy and birth charts are topics of the day almost every day. Like I said, it’s definitely not for everyone. But this kind of all-woman, gay-as-hell arena rock experience seemed, at least to this seasoned cynic, special.”
Why I hate it: OH COME THE FUCK ON. I could write an entire article tearing apart these three terrible, terrible sentences. “Tits out, messy polycule vibes” is something I’ve been referencing derisively since I read it a year and a half ago. Also, if you’re a boygenius fan, you are most certainly not a fucking “seasoned cynic.”
The positioning of boygenius as the Most Subversive Music Act of the 2020s is so deeply annoying. Real actual female rock stars who are cool and make good music and don’t compare themselves to Leslie Feinberg and David Wojnarowicz (Julien Baker did this in an insufferable interview with Them that — thank our loving God — has since been taken down) have been taking their shirts off onstage forever. Has Riot Grrrl just been erased from the collective memory? As lesbians, we deserve better. (Please don’t look at my last.fm okay guys all those boygenius scrobbles are from a very dark time in my life and “$20” is actually a really good song and so is “Me and My Dog” and so is “Not Strong Enough” except for that horrible corny final key change oh god I kind of like boygenius FUCK)
“Radiohead: Kid A Album Review”
Brent DiCrescenzo, Pitchfork
October 2, 2000
The offending line: “The experience and emotions tied to listening to Kid A are like witnessing the stillborn birth of a child while simultaneously having the opportunity to see her play in the afterlife on Imax.”
Why I hate it: Okay, so I actually kind of love this one. This entire review is made up of hysterical ravings from one of Pitchfork’s most infamous writers. This review, like Kid A itself, changed the game in its medium. It’s famous. This line alone is an all-time great. I need you to know how important this line is. It’s incredible. It’s so gloriously terrible.
DiCrescenzo also claims in this piece that Kid A “makes rock and roll childish” and that it “will cleanse your brain of…inferior albums clinging inside the fold of your gray matter.” Is this the best, most annoying review ever? Yes. Fourteen-year-old RateYourMusic reviewers, take notes. It’s time to start comparing Jane Remover to the morning-after pill or something. Just kidding. Please don’t do that. But it would be really funny.
This article I wrote in high school about the 25th anniversary of OK Computer that I’m not going to link but you can probably find it if you look hard enough but please don’t okay guys I’m being really vulnerable right now just by admitting that I wrote this
[REDACTED] DiBari, [REDACTED RURAL NEW JERSEY HIGH SCHOOL NEWSPAPER]
June 2, 2022
The offending line: “‘Airbag’ is built on the foundation of a looped hip hop-esque drum beat with something of a smooth trip hop rhythm, which was, until then, entirely unheard of. Throughout the album, Radiohead took musical risks that no other prominent group had before, influencing alternative rock for decades to come.”
Why I hate it: I should have been bullied more in high school. This is evil. “Something of a smooth trip hop rhythm” might be the worst line I’ve ever written in my entire life. I wrote a paper set in near-unreadable neon green Comfortaa about how much I liked penguins in fourth grade that read better than this. Someone should have blocked my IP address from RateYourMusic or something. Sweet Lord.
“Point/Counterpoint: Has Car Seat Headrest Fallen Off?”
Sloane DiBari and Benjamin Rosielle, WOBC Blog
April 13, 2025
The offending line: “The appeal of Car Seat Headrest has always been that it’s a little shitty, that Will Toledo is able to write these rock songs with cringe-inducing lyrics and unwarranted pretensions of literary quality (that’s what being an English major does to you), but that he somehow manages to pull it off in a way that is arresting and endearing.”
Why I hate it: So this one is really good. My buddy Ben is a fantastic writer. I only hate it because they’re right and I hate being wrong :(